This post is part of a series of questions I answered during my time at HeTexted. Hundreds of girls asked me relationship advice, and I responded.
First is the girl’s question, and then my advice.
On March 13th, an anonymous girl on HeTexted wrote me the following question…
Im 18 and haven’t had my first kiss… Yes I’m still a virgin and SINGLE. A lot of my guy friends say I’m “sexy and hot” but can tell I’m really innocent. Where can I meet the right guy?
I went clubbing and got shit faced. I had ditched 3 guys who were looking after me ( I could tell they just wanted some). Then I met this guy who used that “back off she is my girlfriend” crap on me and I actually liked him. Next minute I have him pushed against the wall with him groping me. It was the most amazing feeling ever (which is pretty sad). Then I left before things got too heavy.
I attract the wrong guys. But the guys I do like are too afraid to approach me. I’m not intimidating Im just confident.
Ive always wanted to be that sexy girl all the guys wanted but couldn’t get (like in the movies haha).
I’m just going to go out on a limb, is it possible that you have some kind of Catholic upbringing? In part because of the line where you mentioned “It was the most amazing feeling ever (which is pretty sad).” Why is that sad? Or is it sad because you actually didn’t like the guy?
It sounds like you are playing out your movie fantasy already. And maybe that’s not enough for you because you sound unfulfilled.
It’s a common occurrence that 18 year old boys don’t know how to approach women correctly (I’d say guys 15-24). Often they’re too shy, or overbearing and douchey. Look, it sounds like you’re pretty smart and self-aware – it might be worth your time taking the lead with one one of these guys that you like, but who might not have the know-how to approach you.
Girls (in general) are better at flirting – they have compounded years and years more experience than men (since they are being hit on all the time). Use this knowledge to your advantage and consider it time to make a move. Either way, I’d advise that you start dating and get that first kiss. You’re young and this is your time to experiment… this is your time to learn what you like, and what you don’t like. There is no shame in that. And it’s certainly not sad. It’s what makes us human.
Go for it! And if you do, let me know how it goes,
Im not religious but I did have a very controlled up bringing where my parents enforced alot of rules which were similar. Its sad because he didnt have to do anything but hold me to make me feel good. I’m SO innocent that I’m scared to “experiment”. I love physical contact but as soon as they go in for the kiss I shy away because I cant kiss just anyone. I value my body. Its the only thing that is truly mine. I guess Im just scared because the guy I give myself to will not value it as much as I do.
I do feel unfulfilled. The only way to feel satisfied is by taking the next step I guess.
You’re brilliant! Thank you so much! I’ll be sure to let you know.