This post is part of a series of questions I answered during my time at HeTexted. Hundreds of girls asked me relationship advice, and I responded.
First is the girl’s question, and then my advice.
On March 29th, a girl on HeTexted wrote me and asked…
I was using my boyfriend’s computer (with his permission), and I noticed he had an 8 year old email. I know I shouldn’t have read it, but I did. It was a really angry email from a girl saying she should never had slept with him. It kind of implied that he had cheated on his girlfriend at that time with the email-writer.
I know this was ages ago, and he was only in high school at the time, but I kind of feel like once-a-cheater, always-a-cheater.
What should I do?
Give the guy a break. Even if he did cheat in high school people change so much in 8 years. I mean, ask yourself… what has changed about your values since you were… FOURTEEN?
With that aside, how do we proceed? Clearly this bothers you and is on your mind. My advice would be to look past it. To recognize him as a completely different person than the young boy who wrote that email. And to give him the benefit of the doubt because he is currently good to you.
I once had a girlfriend read my diary. She told me about it later. I was NOT pleased. I felt that my privacy had been violated. As if there were no boundaries, and even with her apology I always felt she was capable of snooping again. It’s kind of a funny story, because you may be planting in him the same suspicious you currently hold.
Best of luck, write back to let me know how this one goes.
Her second reply…
His ex is honestly one of the kindest people I know, so maybe I am partly reacting strongly about this because I feel protective of her. I kind of feel like “how could anyone cheat on this amazing girl?”
If he could cheat on someone so nice and thoughtful, there is nothing standing in the way of him cheating on me.
I’d give you BF the benefit of the doubt. Seeing through people is so easy, and it gets us nowhere.
Make sure you don’t accuse him; let him know how you came across it… and I wouldn’t even mention the “cheating” if you don’t have to. Just try to be casual and ask him what it means, or how that ended.
Overall… be honest in this situation. He sounds like a great guy, so let’s not mess it up.