Should a girl initiate conversation with a guy?

1 min read

This post is part of a series of questions I answered during my time at HeTexted. Hundreds of girls asked me relationship advice, and I responded.

On April 9th, a girl asked me…

“I have an ad up on a popular site because I was peer-pressured into it. There has been very little response to it, which I am fine with.

However, my friends say I should initiate contact more. I say that the guy should always male the first move. It’s just more natural. Thoughts?”

My advice…

1) I’m a firm believer that biologically, the man pursues the woman.

And that’s how I tend to live my life, because I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what works for me, and what I want.

2) …with what I said in #1. I’m also a firm believe that we live in a socialized world. Meaning, that we’re all living our lives one layer above biology. Online dating is just one of a million examples of that… it breaks the rules of how we communicate.

And so, there’s no right or wrong (objectively), there is only what works for you.

Sometimes a girl needs to flirt and make moves to get a guys attention, there’s nothing wrong with that.

So I’d say… do whatever you think works. And definitely don’t listen to your friends or TV shows! And if you don’t know? Experiment! Try writing guys.. see what responses you get. Go on a date with those guys and see if it matters.

One last thought, the whole concept of online dating (seems to me) like a bunch of people that either can’t find each other in real life, or sometimes it’s that guys (and girls) don’t have the guts to ask people out in real life, and so the mediation of being behind a computer screen makes swallowing the pill of asking someone out… easier. So use it to your advantage.. experiment online. Experiment in real life!

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